The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I sprained my soul last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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