nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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