dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
