I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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