Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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