i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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