new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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