woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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