Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
