So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
