this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
