just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
