so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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