thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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