I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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