My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
