I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize