In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
