Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
