with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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