i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
