Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
