Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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