I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
