I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
