Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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