Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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