Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
