i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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