Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize