so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
