im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize