this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
