google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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