My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
