just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
