I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
