Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
