So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
