4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
