Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
