i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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