So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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