Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize