Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
