Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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