Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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