You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
