She's like a pop up book from hell.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
