can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
