ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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