But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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