Your mouth is God's brothel.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
