I need help removing her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
