Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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