I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
