so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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