I feel like abortions should bother me more
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
