please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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