Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
