remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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