farters have to be the big spoon...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
