i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
