Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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