I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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