i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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