Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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