Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
