I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
