you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
